Sunday, October 23, 2011

how do you measure love?

How do you measure love? Is it measured by time? I think it can be...the more you go through together, the deeper the love. Ed and I really have no history, although in these 5 short years we have been through much. Before we were married my oldest child, then 34 years old almost died. He was in a coma, hooked to a ventilator, in icu. When he got out of the hospital he had to go back to the hospital daily for treatment for 6 weeks. I didn't know how I would be able to get him there and take care of him. If I don't work I don't make money. I have a private spiritual counseling practice. My family of course all pitched in to help out. But Ed said " bring him to my house, my schedule is very flexible I'll take care of him". We were just dating then. And that's how he got to know my Jason. He took him in. Drove him to the hospital and read the paper while Jason had treatment. He is a man with deep caring. He was always very good to my Mother. When he met her she was in her toothless, drooly, diaper stage. He always kissed her hello and goodbye.

He is a man with true compassion. When my Mom died he was the one to tell me. The day our grandchild was born, he was over the moon. He never had kids of his own and was so excited to share all the stages of a child. Elliot is our light, truly.

Perhaps even 5 years is enough time to create deep love with just the right ingrediants. I don't know. I do know that Ed's humor, compassion, caring, and the depth of his soul is what I love. I'll never know how deep and sustaining it could be from the foundation that we have built so far, but I feel grateful for this much and know that I do love him deeply. He's not always himself anymore and it saddens me, but mostly I just feel angry about it. I realize it is one of the stages a caretaker goes through. I am short with him at times and then feel guilty. If I was counseling myself I would say that it was a normal way to feel and be. But I vow to do better and then act badly again, impatient. I'll keep working on it. Praying about it. And reminding myself that yes five years was good. Better than nothing with such a great man.

No comments:

Post a Comment